An Editorial by Larry Gent(snide comments in the brackets by Evil Larry)
Like all good stories and discussion, this one arose from a conversation on facebook involving zombies. Surprising as it may be the zombies in reference were no the facebook users themselves but instead the traditional brain eat zombies.
The conversation, deep and important as it was, involved the zombies in question consuming the brains of numerous individuals some of who would have highly developed and well used brains, scientist, writers, artist and nerds, and some who brain usage were often found lacking, politicians, pop-singers, reality show stars, and Fox network execs.
But then the topic of the Geek brain came in question.
Would the geek brain be a full and powerful meal or would it be a lacking one. I came up with a single undeniably fact.
Geeks are not known for their brains.
I am not saying geeks are stupid, or lacking in brain power, and while this may be a massive generalization, hear me out.
The geek brain is a powerful device, we use it to store millions of terabytes of varied information that we can recall on a whim, and sadly none of it is useful.
My wife tells a story of when her and her two younger brother did the dishes (I believe they were French….the dishes I mean) they would play a game. One would recall from memory a random quote from The Simpsons, and then the others would have to name the episode and the two main stories that took place.
To any geek that has played Dungeons and Dragons, or any tabletop roleplaying game, we have all witnessed the power of the dungeon master. He, or she but let’s roll with statistic here (Roll…DND….get it…see what I did there), is an unstoppable force with the power to slay giants or summon armies with a single word, but when you become the DM is when you learn the true power. The DM must combat the scariest force known within the DND world. This horrifying creature is not the savage orc (1/4 CR), the powerful beholder (CR 13) an even the legendary Terrasque (CR 20). The most heinous creature in all of DND is the Rules Lawyer (CR No Life). The Rules Lawyer is a player that can recall greats amounts of data on each class, race, monsters, and creatures at a whims notice. They correct the DM, whether he wants it to or not, while editing others character sheets all while playing. This proves truly amazing when you consider that at the end of the Dungeon and Dragon 3.5 edition there were over 100 hardcover books available.
As a third example I will swing the judgemental pendulum back the other way and turn the focus on myself. I have often been told I have an exceptional memory and that I could do great things with it at my disposal, with the ability to recall great amounts of data at a moment’s notice I could easily make a name for myself, however that would be if I put my memory to good use.
I really did not.
As an avid science fiction fan I have my memory working overtime to store millions upon millions of facts, dates, events wars and historical figures…….for a fictional world. I have had an obsession with Star Wars since I first saw the movies after the Special Edition release in theatres. Since then, and after the ritual involving Kali-ma and my heart, George Lucas now owns a large portion of my soul, and wallet. I have dived head first into this fictional world, using both official material and the Extended Universe material, and have never surfaced. Lucking descending into Star Wars is not a lonely fall, but sadly very male oriented. I have studied the history Star Wars has created and the way the universe has, or has not, evolved. I have done this with other fictional universes as well, never to this extent, like Stargate-verse, Buffy-verse, the Babylon 5….verse and Forgotten Realms…..verse (Star Trek = Bad!!).
The point of my examples is clear the geek brain is built for the regurgitation of information. The brain is not why we learn all of the rules to DND, why we quote The Simpsons or why we obsess over Star Wars (a great obsession BTW). The organ Geeks are most known for is the cause of our obsessions.
Zombies better shove off because the Vampires are what Geeks should fear.
Geeks are known for their hearts.
(Heart makes blood….vampires feed on blood…..arguments not perfect but come up with a better one.)
Geeks are creatures built on love. As sappy and after-school as that sounds it is true. Geekdom was founded on a love of something, a show, a universe, a book, a movie, or anything. Love is why we exist, love is why we do what we do, and love is what motivates us.
Geeks love their fandom with a dedication and degree that is beyond conventional logic, wisdom or common place intelligence.
Nathan Fillion. We love him but why? Is it because his shows have all been successful? Nope. Every show that he stared in, except for his latest procedural cop show, has tanked quickly and painfully. Firefly bit the dust before the first season was done, and Drive failed after six episodes. Could it be his successful movie career? Every major film Nathan has been in has taken a loss, only once has he even broken even and that was in a romantic chick flick. Even his famous Serenity couldn’t make the box-office bank needed to break even. The only films in which Nathan does well in are the small independent films nobody knows about. Anybody recognize White Noise 2, Trucker, or Outing Riley? Yet we love Nathan Fillion, I love Nathan Fillion, and we still want to keep him around.
Star Wars. We still love the series, and many like me, always will. Our love has even survived the ‘Prequels.’ As everybody knows these three movies were often considered bad, very bad indeed, but yet people still lined up, outside a theatre, for days on day just to see the movie opening night. Even as the third and final film approached, a movie that had a poor track-record behind it, people still flocked in droves ready to see Anakin and Obi-wan wield bright coloured swords in battle. Does it make sense? Do suffer through bad food and service at a restaurant a third time after two consecutive poor visits? No, but we do it for Star War. Why? Because we love Star Wars.
Rose Tyler. She was a blond high school drop-out with no job, no money, no direction and no hopes but people love her because she traveled with the Doctor. Was she the first? Not even close. Was she the last? Not if BBC can help it. Was she the best? There was a saying growing up that you never talked about sex, politics or religion. It would just cause fights. I think we need to add favourite Doctor Who companion onto that list. There have been 10 times as many companions as there has been Doctors and fans know who they love and who they do not and they will defend them to the bitter end. Rose over Martha, Donna over Rose, Amy over Jack (he wishes!!) and Jack over the Doctor (Jack wants that as well). Each companion is virtually the same thing. She is a women, young, sexy and beautiful, who travel with the Doctor, say a couple snide remarks, will argue with him, get into trouble and then need saving. She is little more then a glorified guest star who is rotated out each season for the younger sexier model. (Like cars or computers) Yet despite the similarities people still argue over them. Forget Team Jacob or Team Edward…beware of Team Rose or Team Donna. (Also Sarah Jane Smith is better than them all.)
Yet you can look at any fandom, any argument, and any action that Geek takes, but nothing will compare to the illogical actions that geeks take on their religious pilgrimage. It happens every summer, like geese flying north, or students returning home with bags full of laundry. This is the Con season. The idea of a geek convention is simple: You go and hang out with fellow geeks, sometimes in costume, and check out the new information, the dealers, the guest stars, and basically spend time hanging out and conversing with fellow geeks. Conventions are popping up all over the world meaning there should be one close to you. But the truth is almost more illogical then it seem. Instead of going to the con closest to you people fly all across the continent going to further cons, newer cons, and different cons. So when you break it down you spend thousands of dollars on plane tickets, hotel rooms, and weekend passes all to show up in a big room to hang out and shop. Sounds like a flawed premise, but it’s one we enjoy. I have done the convention thing, and I like it. There is something about the people, the area, the events and the costumes. The atmosphere is addicting and intoxicating (but that may just be what people are smoking there), nobody can usually explain why they enjoy it, but we do and we keep on going.
So the truth is simple. Geeks are illogical, foolish and stupid at times, but we are emotional creatures who love what we love and nobody can tell us different. So remember zombie that when dealing with a geek, our brains are nothing compared to our hearts!
Oh wait….better arguments then the vampire thing. If a barbarian truly wishes to become strong he should feed on the hearts of the geek, for they are greater than any other.