Geekdown: The Best Jets in Geek

To Celebrate the return of the Winnipeg Jets I have decided on a jet themed geek-Down.  (Lame premise but its a premise.)

7. VF-1 Valkyrie Variable Fighter

I don’t know about you, but If I was to be fighting aliens who were the size of buildings I would want a robot the size of a building.  But Mech robots are slow, clunky, and normally insanley plot driven (Looking at your Gundam Wing) so I’ll take my mech with a side of jet, and Guardian mode (which is an unholy result of a drunken night between the Humping robot from Robot chicken and a jet).  Nothing says battle when you shoot an alien in the face, morph into a jet-man to nut-punch it while moving at mach-3 and then switch into a Jet to fly away to get the girl.  that’s progress.

6. Arwing

To drive this thing you’d have to be crazy.  Crazy like a FOX! (and technically a frog, Hare, Cat, or Falcon).  This is the Jet from the Star Fox series.  Mobile, quick, and deadly.  It carried weapons that should be banned by the Geneva Convention (and are oddly left floating in space and on planet side near child’s playgrounds) are is capable of both Space and atmosphere manoeuvrability.  But is there room for the Fox to lick himself?

5. Boeing 765

This ship is not that wonderful or sucessfull.  It breaks down on the drop of a hat, carries poisonous food, makes bad movie choices, can tie itself into a knot, is equipped with a fully functional Jeopardy board and host and has a wide array of inept crew – but as long as Robert hays, Julie Hagerty and Leslie Nielsen are aboard we are fine.  This plane made its only appearance in the legendary comedy film Airplaine!

This movie is comedy history.  It is the basis of every film good parody film (and bad) from then on.  The Jet was a piece of crap, just like the spacejet from the sequel, but the movie was pure gold.  The Sequel, almost as good as the first, shows what happens when faulty wiring combined with poor air security get mixed up.  I mean honestly – what were they thinking?  There is a list of things you don’t let on a plane — and Sonny Bono is one of them.

4. UH-144 Falcon

This dropship has it all.  Twin turboprop engines, Two side-mounted M247H Heavy Machine Guns or two MG460 Automatic Grenade Launchers, M638 Autocannon and Spartans (Not Master-Chief, the other ones).  It the your main transport in Halo: Reach and it does the job well.  It also look pretty KICK ASS!!

3. B-Wing

Normally if we were talking Star Wars I’d go with either the X-Wing or the Naboo Starfughter (fast little things) but I can’t say no to the B-Wing fighter.  This little jet packs a wallop.  It has less manoeuvrability and weaker warp engines then an T-65 Incom X-Wing but it lacks it makes up for with shields and guns.  The design was simple.  Do we add life support? No more guns.  Stronger shields? Nope more guns.  Washroom? Nope more guns.

Hey bob we have an extra inch of unused space on the ship  what do we do? – Mike

You know the company motto: When in doubt add more guns.  We’re totally not overcompensating for anything. – Bob

2. Valiant

What happens when you take an angry and bitter Time Lord and make him the Minister of Defense for England?  You get a hybrid of Time Lord and human technology called the Valiant.  This hovering aircraft became the base on operation for The Master in the Year that Never Was.  It was eventually confiscated byt UNIT’s and used as part of its navy.  They called it Hawk Major.  Sadly this, and any other human knowledge or advancements of aliens origins was removed in the big RTD-to-Moffet switch.  The Valiant went down fight after a swarm of Daleks attacked it during their invasion.

1. BATPLANE

For the final jet I have the Batplane.  This has gone by numerous version, appeared in two movies, dozens of TV episodes and HUNDREDS of comics issues.  What do you do when you are rich, have become a gadget heavy crime fighter, and still have more to burn?  You build jets.  Seems simple don’t it.

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